pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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