Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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