We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
