Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
