my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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