so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
