low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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