my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My ass is underappreciated
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
