the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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