Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
