on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
