I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
