You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
