I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
