ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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