I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize