Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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