Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
