Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
