I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
