sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
