my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
