my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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