You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
