North Korea, Best Korea!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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