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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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