she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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