I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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