Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
