UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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