It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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