Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
