I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
