Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
