Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dignity is for republicans.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
