But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
