maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
