Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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