Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize