One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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