I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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