you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
