He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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