a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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