If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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