I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
