It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
