if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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