Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
