Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
