WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
