the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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