hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
