having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
