i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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