I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
