your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
