So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
