Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
