She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
