no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
