i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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