I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize