YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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