Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
