I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
