Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
