He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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