You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
