I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
