He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
