people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
third nipple confirmed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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