Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
