Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
