a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
